The Zap Apple Crisp Chase
by Kairi 'Shadow Sage' Taylor
Summary: Rainbow Dash has finally gotten ahold of the much desired Zap Apple Crisp and wants to eat it while avoiding Pinkie Pie. Easier said than done, as she will soon learn.


The Zap Apple Crisp Chase

by Kairi Taylor

_DISCLAIMER: The characters are NOT MINE. And if they were, this would be an actual episode. No, the proud folks at Hasbro control this franchise, and you can also thank Lauren Faust and the crew she works with for the wonderful insanity of Friendship is Magic._

_**BEFORE OUR STORY BEGINS…**_

(A portal in time opens and I am dropped in a weird looking chamber)

Me: OWW! Blast it, why am I always getting dumped somewhere when I am trying to get something done? If it's not one thing it's another. Ok, who is it this time?

Voice: We have need of your services.

Me: Timmy Turner is that you? Nice try kid, but if you're trying to pull that ol' Wizard of Oz gambit, it won't work on me!

Voice: No, I am not this "Timmy". I am someone entirely different. And the task I have for you is simple. I want you to helm another story based on the Equestria universe.

Me: What—AGAIN?! Why, the last one was good enough.

Voice: Yes, but it was a little too, how you say, dark for my tastes.

Me: Yes, I've been told about that. One guy requested I make a formal apology to Princess Bubblegum and the Candy Kingdom for that one. At least is wasn't anywhere near as dark as—

Voice: DO NOT SPEAK OF THAT STORY! I mean let's not go that far. Make something simple, whimsical, enjoyable, and with NO DEATH OF ANY KIND.

Me: Ok, ok, fine. Wait, who is making me do this anyway? (I pull out a remote and press a button.)

Voice: Wait, how did you—

(The lights turn on and in a booth sits Deadpool and Thor)

Me: …ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Deadpool: Look, this was the only way we could convince you to do this. I was all for plan cheeseburger, but Thor here thought this would be better.

Thor: Truth be told, you have yet to willingly do a full story involving anyone from Marvel anymore and we thought it most troubling. So, we thought it best to start you out slowly and—

Me: Yeah, let me get to work. Just who among ya wanted this?

Deadpool: Believe it or not, snarky, it was her. (Deadpool points to Enchantress.)

Enchantress: …I like Applejack. So sue me.

One of the many benefits of the Zap Apple Harvest that occurred every year in Sweet Apple Acres was the many different things that the Apple family was able to create due to said harvest. The assorted goods that were sold helped greatly to fund the operation of the Apple farm and keep Ponyville's apple supply in stock. Among the many items that were produced were Zap Apple Jam (a staple in Filthy Rich's department store), Zap Apple Pie, Zap Apple Cider, Zap Apple Danish, Zap Apple Cobbler and, occasionally, Zap Apple Strudel. However, there was one particular treat that was a favorite with certain ponies. And it was this treat that Granny Smith was working on now.

Apple Bloom sat in front of the door to the kitchen, listening to various odd sounds that came from within the confines of that room, which no other pony was allowed to enter while she was at work. The process was very sensitive, according toGranny Smith, and it required all her concentration to get it done. It didn't help matters that sometimes Apple Bloom heard snoring coming from the room, but Granny Smith usually knew what she was doing when it came to cooking. A few seconds later, Applejack joined her sister and asked her "So, how long have ya been standing there?"

"Granny's been in there for 5 hours now," Apple Bloom informed the elder pony, "An' I'm beginning ta think she's never gonna be done with the apple crisp."

"Ah wouldn't count the ol' girl out just yet," Applejack reassured her, "Ya know how she is, it just takes a bit of patience with her…"

A strange assortment of odd sounds, which included the honking of a bike bell, a duck call and what could be best described as something that sounded like a mallet making contact with a skull and cracking it came from the kitchen as Granny's voice could be heard yelling "IF CELESTIA WANTED YOU TO LIVE SHE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!"

"Although sometimes Ah wonder about her approach."

The door opened and Granny Smith, with flecks of brown sugar in her grey mane, trotted out of the kitchen. "Yesirre bob, I've gone and done it again! This year we'll have the best Zap Apple Crisp I ever done made."

"Uh, that's what you said about it last year." Apple Bloom pointed out.

"And I was right then too!" Granny Smith retorted shaking her hoof. "This year is extra special, since we had a larger than usual crop of Zap Apples. I was able to add more of my secret ingredient this time."

"It's not apple cinnamon Cheerios again, is it?" Applejack asked "because we tried that 3 years ago and Big Macintosh was never the same."

"Naw, nothing as simple as that. No, it's a little something passed down to me by my granny and soon, one day, I'll pass it one to one of ya! But first things first, you too have to help me load up them there pans with Zap Apple Crisp. You Know Who is gonna drop by soon and she's liable to buy a whole wheel barrow of it if we let her."

"A wheelbarrow? That's putting it mildly." Apple Bloom said.

"Come on, Fluttershy, hurry up! We gotta go NOW!"

Ponyville's self proclaimed fastest Pegasus pony (who could back it up, mind you) impatiently paced back and forth above the doorstep of Fluttershy's house: Rainbow Dash was not known to be a pony that took her time, but the need to depart for Sweet Apple Acres was overwhelming. She knew what was at stake and she did not want the opportunity to pass itself up.

"Ok, I'm ready now," The door opened and Fluttershy trotted out, a pair of saddlebags on either side of her. "I just had to make sure that Angel had enough food for—"

"Yeah yeah, don't worry, the little fur ball's got plenty of veggies!" Rainbow Dash interrupted her. "Let's get going, I don't want to miss out on the sale."

"What's the hurry anyway? I'm sure that Granny Smith has made plenty of pastries." Fluttershy pointed out."

"Yeah…but there's one dessert I'm ALWAYS missing out on," Rainbow Dash explained as the two began their flight to Sweet Apple Acres. "It's her Zap Apple Crisp, the one dish of hers that I never get a chance to enjoy."

"Really? I thought you ate everything she ever made."

"I would if I had the opportunity. But a certain pony just HAS to buy up most of the Zap Apple Crisp before I can get to it."

"Oh right, Pinkie Pie." Fluttershy said.

"If it was the Zap Apple Pie, it would be one thing. But it's the Crisp, it's always the Crisp, that I never get to try. It's like she knows I want to have some more than anything and she decides then and there to buy the rest of it!"

"You know, you could always ask Pinkie Pie to, uh, share." Fluttershy suggested.

"Pinkie Pie? Share? Those are two concepts that do not go together." Rainbow Dash huffed. "I know that pony, there is no way she'd ever let me have a sample."

"How would you know? You never asked."

"It's Pinkie Pie we're talking about. She'd suplex me if I touched a cupcake that was hers. Look, we're wasting time! Just hurry up and follow me, we're taking a shortcut."

"Yes, but—" Fluttershy's attempt to reason with the hasty rainbow maned Pegasus was proven to be fruitless as she sped off to the farm ahead of her. Sighing, Fluttershy flew off after her friend.

"Step right up, get your own freshly baked pie right here!" Twilight Sparkle shouted to the various crowd of customers gathered at the pastry stand currently located in front of the gates to Sweet Apple Acres. Assisting her was her faithful companion, Spike, who had the task of handing over whatever dessert a customer had ordered. "This is one job I can certainly look forward to doing again." Spike smiled as he forked over an order of Zap Apple Muffins to one couple.

"Yes, and I'm sure you aren't doing this because Granny Smith offered to give you some free sweets in exchange for your services." Twilight Sparkle smiled.

"It's a nice bonus you gotta admit," Spike replied. "Besides, it was either this or help Big Macintosh with the carts. Unless, of course, YOU want to help Big Macintosh."

"I have no idea where you're going with that." Twilight Sparkle retorted, narrowing her eyes at Spike's implications.

"I'm just saying…"

"Yes, well, I believe you have a customer waiting. And it's rude to keep a lady waiting."

"Huh? Oh, Rarity! Sorry, didn't see you there!" Spike turned to face his crush, Rarity, who was wearing a bonnet on her head. The young dragon blushed as Rarity said "Oh, it's no bother at all Spike. I'm just happy to be able to get my order on time today. I've had quite a dreadful morning!"

"What happened? Not Sweetie Belle again?"

"I wish. That would probably be a step up. A customer of mine was simply being quite the drama queen, fussing over every little detail about the dress I was designing for her 'oh so important' soiree. I had half a mind to stick every sewing needle in her right flank when she criticized me about the frill on her gown! And that companion of hers, with his scraggly blond mane criticizing MY hat selection? I told him if he said one more word about my hats, I was going to personally shove my rejected winter cape collection up his—"

"Whoa, easy there girl!" Twilight interrupted her as she held up one of Rarity's Zap Apple muffins. "Young impressionable dragon present, no need to complete that sentence."

"You're right, that wasn't very lady like of me." As she was given her order, a gust of wind blew overhead, knocking her bonnet off. "And speaking of unlady like…"

"Hey, am I too late?" Rainbow Dash asked as she landed next to her exasperated friend. Following shortly behind her was Fluttershy. "If by too late you mean too late to blow my hat off and try to mess up my mane, then no." Rarity replied.

"Too late for what?" asked Twilight.

"Oh, you don't know this, but every year, Granny Smith makes her Zap Apple Crisp," Fluttershy explained, "Rainbow Dash tends to miss out on it though."

"Let me guess, its Pinkie Pie related."

"Yes, as these things tend to be." Rarity replied. "Pinkie tends to get to the Zap Apple Crisp before Rainbow Dash does, and she usually buys the bulk of it, leaving Rainbow in the dust."

"I lucked out this year though!" Rainbow crowed. "I managed to get here way before Pinkie. There's no way that she's gonna make me miss out on this one!"

"Actually, there's something you really need to know…" Fluttershy began to say. But before Fluttershy could tell Rainbow what precisely she needed to know, Granny Smith arrived. "Did I hear some youngun' clamoring for some of my Zap Apple Crisp?"

"Yeah!" Rainbow exclaimed

"Oh. That means my hearing's still good!" Granny Smith slowly reached into her saddle bag and produced the item that Rainbow Dash has so desperately wanted for Celestia knows how long: Zap Apple Crisp. To describe how it looked is simple enough- imagine a crust of brown sugar and oatmeal mixed together and tossed over a rainbow colored mash of apples. This is precisely what Rainbow Dash was drooling over. As Granny Smith wrapped it up, she informed her customer "It's a good thing too that you came just now. This here is my last Zap Apple Crisp and I was told specifically to hold it for you."

"You have no idea just how much I want to taste this." Rainbow Dash told Granny Smith.

"I reckon I do, on account of the drool leaking out of your mouth." Granny replied.

"Ugh. Please Rainbow, at the very least show some self control," Rarity sighed, "it makes you look so desperate."

"I do have self control! It's not my fault I just want to eat the entire thing in one gulp right here and now!"

"Well, I can't blame you," Rarity agreed, "as it is simply one of the finest dishes Granny Smith ever crafted. But try not to look like some sort of feral half starved beast. That's Pinkie's job"

"Did someone call my name?"

"Oh no…" Rainbow Dash muttered underneath her breath. She turned her body around, hoping and praying in her mind that the pony behind her was not who she thought it was. Unfortunately, as she completed her turn her fear was brought into sight; before her, grinning joyfully from ear to ear was the pony she had hoped to escape, Pinkie Pie. _Oh dear Celestia, why now?_

"Hey Pinkie!" Twilight said to her ever cheerful friend. "I see you're here for your order!"

"Yup, and I can't wait to get it over to Sugar Cube Corner! Oh, is that Zap Apple Crisp I spy?" Pinkie said as she looked at the package in Rainbow Dash's saddle bag. "Looks tasty!"

"Zap Apple Crisp? No you're mistaken!" Rainbow Dash sweat dropped. Once Pinkie set her sights on a particular dessert, there usually was no stopping her. "It's uh…OATMEAL. Yeah, just plain ol' oatmeal, not in any way resembling Zap Apple Crisp or anything in the same family—"

"And here ya go, girlie! For being the 100th pony to buy my Zap Apple Crisp, here's a very special gift I made myself!" Granny Smith then put atop of Rainbow's head an apple red baseball hat with a picture of a bowl of Zap Apple Crisp on it, with the words 'Just Crazy For The Z.A.C.!' embroidered on it. Rainbow sighed as Pinkie beamed and said "This is just perfect, now we can share the same incredible thing I have—"

"Oh no. No, no, NO!" Rainbow stomped her hoof down "I've waited WAY too long to enjoy this. I have only one dream today; to enjoy the best dessert Granny Smith has ever whipped up. And if you think you, who have eaten more than her fair share of it, are gonna get any of mine, you are INSANE!"

"But Rainbow—"

"No buts! You'll never get mine! Do you hear me? NEVER!" Quickly before anyone could mount a protest, Rainbow Dash zipped off, fast as her wings could take her.

"My, she's an impatient one." Granny Smith observed. Pinkie cocked her head to one side and said "Gee, what's bugging her? Guess I better go find out." As Pinkie Pie hopped off after her, Twilight said "This is not going to end well, is it?"

"Not a chance." Applejack concluded.

Rainbow Dash sighed as she set down on the tree branch she spotted in the EvergreenForest. The quick burst of speed she exerted while flying to the forest took a little bit out of her but it was worth it to put as much distance between herself and Pinkie as possible. The tree in question she chose was in a particularly hard spot to get to within the forest, and the tree was ridiculously high. Not even the sturdiest of climbers would be able to climb it with no difficulty.

Settling down, Rainbow looked out from her perch on the branch, looking out over the area. From her vantage point, she could see all around Ponyville and the surrounding areas within the lands. Whistling, she said to herself "You know, this would be a good place to sit down and eat lunch in peace."

"You're SO right. And I think I could see Sugar Cube Corner from here."

"Really? I dunno, it's pretty far and—wait, WHAT?!"

It was impossible. There was no way it could actually happen. But as Rainbow Dash turned around, she saw that her fear was realized; sitting comfortably in the opposite branch next to her was Pinkie. Oddly enough, a fedora was on her head but that was not what was freaking out Rainbow.

"Just how in the world did you get up here?! How long have you been here?!"

"Duh, I climbed. And I've been here just as long as you have. By the way, like the hat? Cranky gave it to me one day, just as long as I promised to never, never EVER open this strange box in his basement. Oh, and you can also see Cranky's house too if you look just right there towards the river…"

"Yeah, why don't I just take a closer look!" Before Pinkie could point out the barns of Sweet Apple Acres and how they looked like doll houses, Rainbow Dash immediately flew off, desperate to get away from Pinkie.

"Wow, she is in a hurry."

"Ah finally, this should be far enough." Rainbow Dash quickly landed behind one of the many barns of Sweet Apple Acres, confident that Pinkie Pie would not think of looking for her there. "But wait, I could have SWORN I've done this before. Nah, it's just my nerves getting to me." But being ever so cautious, Rainbow looked behind her and, to be safe, above her at the roof of the barn as well as the nearby tree. No sign of Pinkie at all.

"I guess I'm safe now. What a relief." Rainbow sat herself on a stray hay bale and exhaled in relief. "Now maybe I can enjoy this dessert in peace for once. I'm gonna need something to wash it down with."

"A nice cider would go with it." Pinkie suggested.

"Good idea Pinkie. I'll just go on down to the cellar here and –PINKIE?!" Rainbow Dash jumped nearly 6 feet in the air as the door to the barn cellar swung open and Pinkie popped out, a mug of cider in hoof. Now this normally is the part where people try to figure out how in Celestia ponies on this show are able to hold things with their hooves, but as no one really has the time to debate such irregularities, we will just have to be content with the current situation now. "Pinkie, what are you doing in there?!"

"Oh just getting some Zap Apple Cider. It's really good stuff you know. But let me tell you what really goes well with Zap Apple Crisp, it's—"

"Oh look at the time, I've REALLY got to be going, I've got so many things to do in Cloudsdale today! Those clouds aren't gonna rearrange themselves!"

"But there isn't anything on the schedule for clouds." Pinkie said.

"Sorry, can't hear you over the roar of the fierce winds in my ears!" Rainbow rapidly spat out as she immediately took flight, literally leaving a blur in her wake as she made her escape. Pinkie scratched her head before saying "Then again, I'm not even sure if there is a schedule for clouds." She shrugged it off and downed the cider in one quick gulp before hopping off after her friend.

"This is genius. I should have thought of this earlier!" Rainbow Dash smiled as she landed somewhere in the skies above Ponyville, or to be specific, somewhere in Cloudsdale. The city, accessible only to Pegasus ponies, was in all likelihood the one place that was out of Pinkie's reach. "Now, FINALLY, I can have some peace and eat this without worrying about Pinkie Pie spooking me." Sitting down on a cloud bench, Rainbow reached for the saddle bag in which her dessert was located when she felt a shadow pass over head.

"No…it can't be…please please PLEASE don't be who I think it is…"

Gulping, Rainbow slowly looked up. Flying overhead was a particularly familiar pony; the blonde maned, cross eyed and well-meaning Derpy hovered over her, a smile on her face. "Hi there Rainbow! Nice day we're having."

"Oh dear sweet Celestia, it's just you." Rainbow sighed. As Derpy sat down on the bench opposite of her, seconds later, the legs on it cracked, sending one side sharply up. A flower pot, which was needlessly placed on the end, was sent hurtling towards a pair of Pegasi pulling a carriage nearby, bonking them both on the head and sending them crashing into the side of a nearby building, whose walls collapsed on one of the practicing Thunderbolts. Derpy looked at the disaster that unfolded and said "Wow, they really should watch where they're going."

"As if that could have saved them." Rainbow muttered under her breath. Derpy sniffed the air and looked at Rainbow's saddlebag. "Hey, you got Zap Apple Crisp too."

"Yeah, and I'm not in a sharing mood right now. I've been trying to avoid Pinkie Pie all day. If she catches up to me, there's a good chance she'll only be leaving me the crumbs. There's no way that she can get to me up here though."

"That's pretty smart thinking. But what if she flew up here?" Derpy asked.

"No way. How is Pinkie gonna fly?"

"With a balloon and a bike powered by wind propellers."

Rainbow blinked. "Oh man, you're right. That is one way she could come up here and she's just crazy enough to try to—wait, how did you come up with that?"

"Because she's coming right towards us with a balloon and bike." Derpy replied.

Twitching eye becoming more prominent, Rainbow turned around. And sure as Luna brought the night, Derpy was right; Pinkie approached their location on a bike carried in the air by a multitude of party balloons, all pushed forward by pinwheel propellers. "Hey Rainbow, hey Derpy!" Pinkie shouted. "This spot is perfect for a picnic! Well, it would be if I was a Pegasus pony like you too. That's why I had this made, my very own custom design too. But I dunno, do I go with pinwheel propellers or windmill propellers…"

Sadly, Pinkie's continued deliberations on proper propeller designs would not be heard by Rainbow, who let out a shriek and sped off, straight down, towards Ponyville.

"What's with her?" Derpy asked.

"I dunno. She's just been a bundle of nerves today."

"Uh Rainbow? What are you doing?"

Twilight looked on, watching as her friend sped frantically around the library. Zipping back and forth, Rainbow set upon her task of boarding up every entrance and window with planks. After that was done, she moved over to a stray bookcase and said to Twilight "Less talking more pushing! Help me put this over the door."

"Rainbow, I think maybe you're overreacting. I know Pinkie likes to eat a lot of sweets but I don't think she will eat yours." Rainbow shot a look at Twilight and responded "You're talking to me about overreacting? You're the pony that tried to stop time once!"

"I thought we agreed never to talk about that. But this, what you're doing…"

"You don't get it Twilight, she can be ANYWHERE. I could hide in a bell and she'd be waiting for me. I go to the river, she's there waiting for me dressed as a beaver! She could be disguised as a scarecrow if I hide in a field of corn! SHE CAN'T BE REASONED WITH!"

"O-kaaay. I think maybe you need to relax. I talked with Fluttershy about this you know. Perhaps you should just head on over to Sugar Cube Corner, I think you'll find—"

"That's it! Twilight, you are a genius! She'll never find me there! It's the perfect hiding spot!"

"Actually," Twilight tried to point out, "the reason I think you should go to Sugar Cube Corner is…"

"Yeah, your input is greatly appreciated! I'll just be on my way now."

"You boarded up my windows and blocked the chimney. How do you plan on getting out?"

The answer to Twilight's question came very quickly as Rainbow barreled her ay through the wall, leaving a hole. Trotting over, Twilight shouted after the speeding Pegasus "You know sane ponies make it a habit of USING THE DOOR!"

The window to one of the upper rooms in Sugar Cube Corner was slowly but carefully pried open as Rainbow crept in. Her eyes darting back and forth around the area, she warily made her way across the floor, crawling low in the hopes that she could not be seen by hidden eyes. "I should have thought of this a long time ago. Even Pinkie would think I'd be too crazy to come to the place where she actually lives to eat. And by the time she realizes it, it'll be too late." The perfect plan indeed!" As she removed the Zap Apple Crisp from her saddlebag, a small amount of drool escaped from her jaws. At long last, the moment she had awaited was within her reach. All she had to do was take one bite and—

A hiccup had pierced the silence of the room. A small one indeed, but it made Rainbow yelp. The twitching in her eyes returning, she turned her head and came face to face with…the twins. Pumpkin and Pound Cake. The two young foals stared at Rainbow as they stood up in their crib, smiling at her innocently. "Oh, right, I forgot that the twins slept up here." Rainbow sighed. "It's a relief actually. I don't think my nerves could take another shock to my system if I saw Pinkie Pie again."

Pumpkin smiled and excitedly hopped up and down in the crib. "Hey, relax there kid. I'll give you a little piece of my crisp. Let's just keep this between us."

"Oh don't worry, I've already got some for them."

Rainbow whirled around, bringing herself face to face with Pinkie, who stood behind her, an apron on. It was at this moment that Rainbow blew the literal gasket screaming and smashing her head into the wall. "You know what? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! You'll never let me eat this in peace, will you? You won't be satisfied until you take away every shred of happiness I'd get from eating the one desert I need to have! FINE! Take it, I don't care!"

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. "Is this what's been bugging you all day? You'd actually think I'd eat your Zap Apple Crisp?"

"Well why else would you have been chasing me all day?" Rainbow gasped out.

"I was trying to tell you that you should eat the Zap Apple Crisp with this!" Pinkie then held up a bowl of ice cream, similar to the Zap Apple Crisp in that it had all the colors of the rainbow. "It's a Sugar Cube Corner specialty, the Rainbow Sherbet. We sell it only once a year but it's the best way to enjoy the Zap Apple Crisp. Well that and the cider."

"Since when do you make ice cream?"

"Didn't Fluttershy tell you?"

"Uh, she may have said something about you selling a special item here. I may have skimmed the details a bit…wait, what about all those Zap Apple Crisps you buy?"

"Come downstairs. You need to see something."

There are times when, if shown something, a pony must perform the facehoof. For Rainbow Dash, it was that time.

At the counter of the shop were Mr. and Mrs. Cake, tending to a huge line of ponies. Behind said counter was a huge pile of Zap Apple Crisp boxes, alongside a cooler with ice cream cartons. "Every year, I go to Sweet Apple Acres and pick up an order of Zap Apple Crisps for the Cakes. Then I bring them here so we can sell them along with our ice cream. I thought every pony knew that." Pinkie explained.

"Every pony but me," Rainbow said shaking her head, "I always come in late. But I assumed you bought them for yourself."

"Oh don't be silly. I could never eat that much Zap Apple Crisp by myself."

"Uh, do I have to bring up 'The Candy Kingdom Incident' again?"

"We agreed never to speak of it in public, remember? I do buy some for myself, but the store needs it more! And I'd never eat a friend's dessert when they want it so badly."

Rainbow sighed. "Sorry Pinkie. I guess I let my pride…"

"And your stomach."

"And my stomach get the best of me."

"It's ok! We all make mistakes. Some of us just have a better way of dealing with them." Pinkie smiled.

"I'll say. I think I'll have some of that ice cream then!" Rainbow replied

"One scoop or two?"

It was at this point that Applejack galloped in, with Spike on her back. "Pinkie, Ah kinda need your help! Do ya have any spare antacids?"

"Why of course I do." Pinkie said as she reached into a lamp and pulled out a box. "What happened?"

"Spike here tried ta impress Rarity an' ate about 8 boxes worth of Zap Apple Crisp." Applejack explained. "Little fella's got a might serious case of indigestion."

"It…was…worth it." Spike groaned.

"And they called me desperate." Rainbow laughed.


End file.
